Learning to Love

    There is much said in adoption circles about children bonding to parents, however I'm focusing this little piece on the parent's bonding to children. I will describe bonding as "learning to love. Maybe this particular battle is more common with children joining our home beyond the baby stage or maybe not? I don't know. I've wondered if it is a more prevalent issue than we know? Have you ever noticed how many Bible stories illustrate favoritism in families? It seems like through the ages parents clicked with some children and some they did not. Maybe some were easy to understand or relate with and some were not. As parents learning to love is not an option. Biological or adopted. If we cannot understand we must learn to understand. The bond is. the. foundation. Without it we fail. This bonding topic must be an open subject. Because Satan loves to work in the dark and he doesn't care who he destroys, children included.
   Yes.. it is a stormy night as you rock your child in the dark and cry tears that you want no one else to ever see, because she doesn't feel like yours, yet you feel obsessively possessive of her. How this little miracle you hold is a constant reminder of your "loss". The tumbling feelings like thunders colliding. Yet even worse in this downpour nightmare is your heart doesn't feel the same toward her as your other children. The thunder deafens. Or maybe she who often grates on you like fingernails on chalkboard or who is impossible to understand is your adopted child. Lightening crashes. There's an extra dimension to the equation. You have a crutch. Or do you? Drenched in rain and standing in the dark, and there, because it's too wicked to talk about, the Devil's demons cackle with glee giving you so many despairing thoughts your mind is like a sphere of spaghetti. If you are in this nightmare don't panic, give yourself time, lay down your will, open up to a close friend or spouse and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray and pray.
    Sometimes it is love at first sight. Sometimes it is not. Yes, sometimes we fake it, 'til we make it. Depending on circumstances, grief, personalities, etc.. it can be complex. Bonding can take time. Learning to love can take time. It also seems to me that a large part of bonding has to do with 'me' giving in. Of recognizing the broken pieces. Of giving all the broken pieces of me to God again. It is "Lord, I am helpless and hopeless without you". Only then can your child give you the broken pieces of her. And only then can God put you back together again and start building the most beautiful puzzle ever made. Two souls from different worlds interlocking in love and trust. And when you are "here" coming from "there", no words can describe the fulfillment, the pride, the love, the trust, the bond.
   Yes, looking back we can see how far we've come. Yet "here" from "there" is relative and our journey is far from done. The journey to build this tedious and sometimes elusive foundation. Until you haven't had it, you cannot know it's value. It stretches me thin, it disputes everything I've ever known, it grabs me with frustrated fingers... until I surrender my will again and embrace the differences in this little human who challenges me so.
    Oh, what a slow learner am I. So quickly I forget the Answer. Again and again I strive on my own and "me" looms large. Then I remember... and pray.. and pray... again and Answers come.
    Am I meek enough...humble enough... to learn to love and ultimately learn to understand? Do our relationships on Earth reflect our relationship with the Father?