Always Too Tight...

When I read the letter below it brought tears to my eyes. Because I can relate. Because I worry. Maybe every adoptive mom worries. Maybe every classic mom worries. Probably. When it's dark outside and I'm alone in the quiet I fear rejection. If you could know how I  love my children. You do know, surely! How I want to rock them til their 30, how I want them all playing in the living room cozy, forever, how I want to slow the hours so I don't have to let go. How I hold on too tight, always too tight. Most likely you do, too, if your a mom. But maybe adoptive parents are faced with a clearer realization that my children are not mine. Because no matter what kind of mom you are your children are not yours either. Yours are God's and mine are God's. I'm not trying to drum up differences here, but let's face it, there are differences. There is a different dimension of challenges, of hard places. Of dealing with rejection issues, or biological blood. And with those challenges and these little souls around me, it weighs heavy. The fear of being discarded, when you love so deep, pierces a little closer. Am I doing enough? Am I being the mom they need to follow on the narrow road? Because other roads may beckon. And then I sink my head in my hands and hold on tighter, always too tight.
   Yet as I sink my head in my hands, a failure, a small sentence remembered restores my soul! In it's small way it says "Look up!". The same God who parted the Red Sea for Moses is Alive! He is able! I loosen my knuckles. I slowly let go of my grip. I unwrap my arms from around my children. I give them to Him, give them to Him, give them to Him. I let go......again. Because I must let go. Because only He is able to save. Mom can't. And He wraps His arms around us all.