The Mediation

So Wednesday afternoon came and with it a call from our attorney. The GAL's report and attachment expert's affidavit were filed on Tuesday. Both of them 100% positive for the girls staying with US! Thanking God. Anyways.. our attorney had talked to the mediator for the mediation set for Thursday. The mediator told him that the court room did not have access for phone attendance. The mediator had talked to paternal grandma's attorney and she gave some hope of actually mediating.  So our attorney thought it may be worth our resources to actually be there in attendance. So we pulled out at 10am Thursday morning. Mom and Dad and Caddie came along. (they just hung out around town, while we were in the meeting)
     WHAT a day. We got there at 1. The mediation started at 1:30. It was Marv and I and our attorney, paternal grandma, paternal aunt and uncle, their attorney, birthdad's attorney, birthmom's attorney and the mediator. First birthdad said his testimony from prison by phone. Then Merlin told them about our lives and how the girls were doing. I told them about the day the girls came to live with us. Then uncle and aunt and grandma talked about their lives and frustrations. Basically after the GAL's report and attachment expert's report were filed the handwriting is on the wall that if this goes to trial the girls are headed our way. The discussion was not IF the girls go to us, it was WHEN they do can paternal family be involved in their lives and to what extent. A huge relief. And we welcome them into our lives as long as it is in the best interest of the girls. In the first hour Uncle said, "We did not know you, but frankly we are very impressed." Amazing. Not about us, but about your prayers. Grandma told me smiling that I reminded her SO much of birthmom and how she remembered Violet to look was just like me. We hear that all the time, however it was amazing coming from her. They also affirmed they have no resentment towards us.
      However we still are caught somewhat in the middle as when birthmom made her decision to relinquish, for her daughters' sake she wanted no confusion for them and so she chose no contact with us. A massive sacrifice. So for the sake of no confusion for her dear girls she voluntarily cuts "herself" out of their lives. Birthmom herself was put in the foster system at 5 yrs old and adopted at 10 yrs old. She is an intelligent and wise person who put months of thought and prayer into her decision to place her girls. NOW paternal grandma and paternal aunt want contact, visits, etc... This is very hard for birthmom. Her wish would be that all bio family be "out of the girls' lives" until they are older. I see her point and we highly respect her and her voluntary sacrifice. Tho we've never met, we love her. My mother heart and her mother heart are locked together forever and I/we feel strong allegiance to her and her wishes. However we see grandma's and aunt's side, too. I feel for them. They feel birthmom, the birthmom we love, hi-jacked them from their grandchildren. And honestly, the elephant in the room all day was both of grandma's sons are registered offenders for crimes involving children. Neither of them are able to be in any contact with children under 18 until they complete years of treatment. Really it is not birthmom who hi-jacked them, but grandma's own son. She could never admit that, but she is terribly hurt and resentful. I truly feel for her. I feel for birthdad, too. We have no respect for his offenses, however we do have respect for him as a person.
    So anyways... we proposed that we were open to contact with paternal grandma and aunt. To what extent we made no promises. Colorado is not an "open" adoption state as in "open" adoption is not recognized. No matter what agreements you make, after the adoption is final, nothing is enforceable by law. They would like something enforceable, which isn't going to happen. Our attorney told them that trials destroy relationships. If this goes to trial, not only will they most likely lose, however they will destroy any relationships that are starting to build. They are worried we will agree to contact now, but then disappear after the adoption is finalized. We assured them that will not happen. They are part of our girls' identity. As long as it in the best interest of our girls and we have the support of birthmom we would love to maintain contact. Now it is up to them if they are going to take the leap of faith and trust us or fight on. We made positive steps toward the trust that needs to be built today and all in all it was a good stressful day! :)  We didn't walk out until the sheriff was turning off the lights at 5pm. I felt very calm during the whole meeting, but when we got out I couldn't keep my teeth from chattering and my hands from shaking. :)