Make it hot tea..

     Ok, yes, I know many are wondering how Saturday went. It went good, I think. Our GAL arrived at 11:30. She interacted with the children for a while and then visited with us. She was nice, but she is a professional and one would never know what she was thinking. She had been to visit the contesting family the day before. At 1:30 we went to Dave's for lunch with our family. She left around 2:30 to head back to Denver. It felt rushed. The longer we were together, the more relaxed and comfortable we became and the more able to freely talk we became. However our SW said with many GAL's you are lucky to get 30 min. of their time, so we felt blessed that our GAL gave us 3 hours. She said we can call or skype if we have more questions or want to talk more. She told us it was obvious that the girls were strongly attached and were loved and cared for. She told us we were doing a wonderful job, to keep up the good work, and to try not to worry. (easier said than done) She also made it very clear that this was a very complicated case. That disheartened us.
     I don't recall ever feeling "old" in my life before. Saturday evening I felt old. It is the only word to describe how I felt. I kept watching the mirror waiting for my hair to turn silver. I was emotionally laden. I went to bed early, but was so wound I couldn't come close to sleep. Finally pent up emotion spilled out my eyes. Then when that was done, I could finally sleep.
    The last song we sang Sunday morning in church was A House Made of Clay by Rosa Henry. It was extra-ordinarily beautiful. A touch from Heaven and it made me weep. The last of my nerves-strung-tight letting loose.
  The Lord is building me a home that's eternal, in a land that's free from sin, there's no decay. He's coming soon to take me there, then these tears, this pain and care, I'll leave behind in this house made of clay. (A House Made Of Clay by Rosa Henry)
 This song has been inspiration to me all week.

 A dear friend penned these words of another song:

 I planned my life as tho I held tomorrow in my hands

But God could see much farther than I had ever planned

He saw the tears and broken hearts that were destined to be mine

So He taught me how to walk with Him

One step at a time.

 

I'm walking one step at a time

Tho the road ahead is narrow

One step, Lord, will do

As long as I feel Your hand close to mine.

Give me courage as a child feels

Taking one step from its mother

Jesus, I can make it by taking one step

One step at a time.

 

If we could see the valleys we must walk before we're home

We would dread the darkness and fear we'd walk alone

But He gives the sweet assurance there's not a mountain we can't climb

If we learn to climb it carefully

One step at a time. (I can't find who wrote it)

 

More of my friend's understanding words that meant so much:

"God knows and cares. Trust His Heart. 

 It's ok to cry as you sing when you're washing dishes.

I decided my children can write on my obituary that mother sang about Heaven a lot.

After all, THERE everything will be alright."