Hello, hello...

"Hello hello do you like my hat?" -Dr. Suess. A random greeting to you all, but when you read stories a thousand times phrases pop into your mind, so why not start with that??? :) Anyways... Merlin is gone for 3 wks. Yes, you heard right. 3 wks. I'm okay, not as good as I would be if he was home, but I'm okay. Tiffany, my niece, has been here all week and will be here until Wednesday. I really dread when she leaves, but I guess I'll just pack up my kiddos and spend some quality time with friends and sisters! In every negative there is always a positive, aye?? (am I my dad's daughter?:)  It helps that it is so hard on Marv to be away from his family. He misses us muchly. Makes me feel good :). Absence makes the heart grow fonder. It almost feels like we are engaged again! A thought I've had lately...When you get married you love "because of". After almost 8 yrs of marriage you love "in spite of" and it is so much sweeter and deeper! Why am I talking of marriage??? You all wonder what is taking Marv away for 3 wks. Before we got our new additions he had told my bro-in-law that he would help him frame up his house in Wyoming. Well, he was in no way obligated, but he didn't have a lot of work lined up for May and it would really help Daryl out if Marv could help him. Then Daryl's offered to send Tiff for 10 days and so Marv said he would go. (Together with the original plan I was to go spend the time with my sisters in Alberta, but unfortunately our new girls are not able to cross the border yet. It was very hard for me to give that up, but so goes)
   Anyways... 2 wks ago today we were getting ready to go to church and Addie was not herself, very figgity and nervous. Suddenly she dissolved into tears and I asked her, "What's wrong, Addie?". She said, "I want to go home." She said it a couple more times and then cried and cried and cried. What can you do? What can you say? I just held her for a long time, then Baby needed me so Marv took over and held her for even a longer time. Needless to say we missed Sunday School. When her anxiety level is high she cannot quit chewing on something, anything, always has to have something in her mouth. At first I would kindly remind her to not to put it in her mouth. Then a friend told me that sucking and chewing releases calming chemicals in the brain -very interesting- so now unless it is ruining something (like a book etc) I don't say anything. We will cross that bridge later I guess. It is really the only thing she does to show her emotional stress and I can usually tell if it's high or low. It seems her anxiety has been higher the last 2 wks and I told SW that. She said that birthmom is under high stress right now with the court date looming and how birthmom and child even though separated often feel the same anxiety. Our SW thinks that when court date is over Addie will calm and settle. Which is interesting to me because birthmom was really apprehensive about Addie's birthday, which is tomorrow. I would say that Addie's anxiety level has been high today. I guess we will see how tomorrow goes. I think that it would be healing for Addie if she would expose her feelings more. I sometimes wish she would have temper tantrums, meltdowns, etc... I was glad when she DID cry and ask to go home. I have wondered in what ways can I encourage her to grieve. As she gets more secure she may start to show her feelings more I don't know. Or maybe she will just move on, who knows.. We are still waiting on the judge assigned their case to schedule a court date for the relinquishment of birth mother's rights, but it should happen soon. Still no reason to think it will not happen. Birth father has been served his termination of rights and it will be final on May 22, if I understand everything correctly. The other day Oliver wanted me to take pictures of him for his birthmom. I told him that I was his birthmom and then he told me that he wanted a different birthmom! :) hmmm this could get interesting :) I also told him we needed to find him some brothers. He got all excited and said, "Like, just like me?" I said, "Yeah, where should we get them from? Quick as a wink he said, "Alberta". :) lol. There we have it. Goodnight.

S. T. R. E. S. S. (and pancakes)

A  B.A.D. day yesterday. Really BAD. All involving agencies and 2 little girls whom we love very much. We knew by law we needed medical coverage for our home study.  We have been trying to get medical insurance for a while. We were denied coverage from one company and had been checking into different options. BUT insurance agencies are SO time consuming and def NOT Marv's first love, so some procrastination was at fault, but we HAD been working on it. Anyways.. our home study agency (the agency we got our new girls through) found out on Thursday that we did not have medical insurance yet. Our SW knew we were working on it and had finished our home study, but never told our agency that we did not have it yet. They came unglued. SW emailed yesterday morning that we HAD to come up with something YESTERDAY or our adoption  w a s   a t    r i s k. Our SW is a gem. She does not say things like that unless it is serious. I panicked.  I could just imagine AAA driving in our drive and taking our new girls BECAUSE the rest of us were NOT INSURED. Yes, how ridiculous is that????? It had nothing to do with Addie and Baby. They are not in our name and thus no insurance will cover them anyway. This all was just to do with Marv, me, Oliver, and Isabel, but it's law. I was stressed. Marv was in Creede pouring concrete and so the whole load was on my shoulders. Baby is teething and terribly grumpy and I was supposed to find an agency that would get us covered YESTERDAY??? I challenge you, try to find one. I called and I called. I desperately called. Every one was 30 days out, 10 days to review application, denied because we were in the process of adopting... etc... etc... Impossible. You would think some agency would have a soft heart for a woman weeping to them on the phone, but no! :) I do not get stressed easily, but I'm sorry this turned me into a  b a s k e t c a s e. I cried all morning.  The house and children were going from bad to worse as I searched the internet and talked on the phone so I finally called Mom. Mom came and took care of the children while I almost threw up my hands. Mom talked to Dad and Dad said to try to call a friend who has been coming to our church for years and we all know him well. He has an insurance business. So I called him and told him the situation and asked him WHAT TO DO. He told me, "I think I can get you covered today." He's lucky we were talking on the phone, because I would have hugged him! Come to find out he couldn't get us covered yesterday, but we will be covered on Wednesday and our agency is OK with that. Thank you, God. As quickly as it had come the storm was over. But wow, what a raging 4 hour storm. I was mentally and emotionally totally exhausted. I put the children to sleep and so badly wanted to lay down and close my eyes, but alas there is no rest for the weary! :) (please don't feel sorry for me, it's just life some days :) I had pages and pages of info to fill out for the insurance agency. By the time I was done Baby was wide awake. She has not been feeling good. I'm pretty sure it's teeth as she has none. She did not settle down until 1am last night, but I got to sleep until 8 this morning and actually today I'm feeling pretty perky! I did not do any dishes all day yesterday and with Baby the way she was I didn't get any done in the evening either and so needless to say my kitchen was a very unwelcoming sight this morning. Then Marv sweetly asked FOR PANCAKES! At first I wanted to scream, but then I decided I could either be happy or mad. I could be mad at him, because he was so thoughtless of me and then he would be mad at me because I was so thoughtless of him and then it would be another bad day! He wasn't trying to be difficult! If I was happy we could have a good day and we could have PANCAKES for breakfast! :) Why am I rambling on about pancakes??? So we had pancakes (pancakes are actually not a big deal if you change your mindset!) and right now my kitchen is clean and the rest of the house is kind of back to order too! I am thankful that by the grace of God I was able to choose to have a good day (and it really didn't have anything to do with pancakes, it had to do with my attitude) ! It came clear to me again that SO MUCH of life is a battle of MY will, MY way and the less there is of ME the more power and grace God can GIVE and GIVE and GIVE. Love to you all my friends..
         Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and RUNNING OVER. For with the same measure the ye mete withal it shall be measure to you again. Luke 6:38
 

Give 'n give 'n give

   A prayer I have prayed ever since we first got married was that I could give and give and give and not think about "getting". It's still a prayer. I haven't "arrived" yet, but these dear lil foursome are making that prayer all the more urgent. (be careful for what you pray for! :) The Lord just might help you out with it!) You can pray for us. Pray that I can "give". Pray that I can have energy. (which reminds me of my new appreciation for sweet tea! I believe it's God-made for tired moms!) Pray that we can have patience and wisdom. The teaching of these tykes has had me very burdened lately. How can we mold them into unselfish, compassionate, respectful, and responsible adults? How???? It feels like I bumble through the day by the seat of my pants. I plead for wisdom so do I just trust that God guides my bumblings??? If we're strong when we feel weak then I must be very very strong :).
   Our well water failed the bacteria test, so I guess we've been drinking bacteria for 7 yrs. Yummy, I've always enjoyed bacteria. So we had to treat our well this week and have been without water since Monday. Yes, this is Thursday. They said we could flush the toilets once a day if NEED BE! LOL. Needless to say we are not going ANYWHERE until we all have some baths. The water treatment is done at 7:00 tonight, so we'll be doing some soaking to get off this protective crust. BUT, the end is in sight for our home study! This is one of the last of the last things that had to be done!
   Oh and the threesome have not been playing nice lately and it makes me soooo weary of settling fights. When do you let them work it out? When do you teach them how to play nice? (pullmyhairrightout) Both Marv and I felt like it was time to do some spying on their playtime to find out what really was going on, but that takes a lot of "give" too. It takes a lot of time to sneak upstairs and show them that you really DO have eyes in the back of your head! But taking the time it takes eventually will take less time and it has proved to be a good thing thus far. We seem to be making head way. AND it seems they haven't known WHAT to play either. Nothing wears on my patience more than children who wine around and don't know WHAT TO DO. Mom has always told me that children need to be taught to play and when I actually stop my work and go be a 3 yr old for a while I love it, but it's the "stopping"(more "give"). Yesterday Marv built a big snowman with them. (Yes it took all morning just to get the trio bundled up to play in the snow) Then I went out and finished it up. We put rocks on for buttons, sticks for arms and nose, more rocks for eyes, mud for a smile, and a cute red hat and a red scarf. They loved it, this Mom did too. Soon Miss Isabel was crying and cold and wanted to come in. So Isabel comes in and plays with baby. Isabel is my complicated lil lady and Addie is my robust tomboy. She is never ready to come inside. It is so fun learning to know them! Addie and baby are both good eaters! I've always wished for a good eater and now I have 2 of them! It is so refreshing not to have to remind Addie to EAT. She just EATS. Oliver and Isabel absolutely ADORE baby. Oliver always talks about "my baby". He often tells me "I just love my baby so much!" Sometimes baby doesn't love them as much as they love her! Oh and I forgot to tell you baby is sleeping through the night every night now! It is lovely. Addie is sleeping much better too. The other night we put the children to bed and I was cleaning up when I heard Addie crying. I went and held her. The tears were streaming. I asked her, "What's wrong, Addie" She just snuggled closer. Finally she just said, "Kiss me". Of course I did. Soon she was fine. Was she lonesome? What was hurting her little heart? I don't know..
   Mom gave me the best gift possible. She went grocery shopping for me and brought me stacks and stacks of paper bowls and plates. A luxury I probably wouldn't have spent my dimes on. Oh I use them for a crowd of company but daily? No. But I sure am enjoying them and they really do cut down on the work load! Thank you Mom!

My ways, my child, are not your ways...

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways, saith the Lord. For as the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9.
   My friend, Jeanie, reminded me that I quoted this verse in Sunday School the Sunday before we doubled our family. :) Then I remembered that Yes, those verses had been very inspiring to me the week before. I had forgotten. Yet how true it is. We were NOT going to adopt domestically again. We were really drawn to brown children, NOT caucasian (tho we love the Caucasians we have :). We were NOT interested in fostering (this isn't really fostering, but similar in some ways). AND I really did NOT want any more girls. Maybe one more, but TWO more?? No way. Now here we are HOPING and PRAYING that we get the chance to adopt TWO CAUCASIAN GIRLS from the U.S. while we "FOSTER" them. Just a bit ironic, aye? Truly His ways are HIGHER.
  We have been working our tails off getting LEGAL. All the papers that need to be collected is frustrating and incredible. Our home study was going to expire plus it was MISSING many documents that it needed to be legal. Well, these 2 lil girls land in our lap and everything has to be FAST FORWARDED to get us legal. Let me give you just a small list of documents that need to be collected and YOU tell ME how to find time to do these little bitty TIME consuming jobs??? It is frustrating, but we plug along.
- water analysis (take a sample of water into the lab, pay $180 to make sure it is SAFE for your children.
- vaccination records for 5 dogs (not a big deal, but takes time. Time that we don't have)
- book reports on various books we need to READ about toddler adoption (AS IF??)
- insurance updated for 2 more children
- autobiography of our life (minimum 2 pages. M must do one and I must do one) One of the docs that was MISSING????
This is just a fraction of the picture. Get it?
  Another funny thing is we bred each of our 4 females this spring. Of course, before there was anything even in the wind about getting 2 more lil girls! First one is due next week, the other 3 the first 2 weeks in May. Hilarious. Kind of. I told mom maybe puppies will be what I need to keep my sanity and get my mind off children 24/7! Always can find a bright side somewhere! I suppose it will work somehow...
   We asked our SW on Friday what the percent was of us being able to adopt these girls. She said 99% sure. Good news. Another thing we learned was that birth mom did not drink alcohol or do drugs in pregnancy. We didn't have any reason to think so, but sometimes some of those effects can pop up later in childhood, so we were relieved. We are truly blessed beyond what we deserve. (I wish I would always feel this all a BLESSING, sadly some hours I don't realize it as such :( But I can hardly bear to say that, when some of you, my friends have been waiting and longing for armsfull of children for years and years. Please forgive me, friends. Life is real and I'm human.
   My horse of 14 yrs, Sunshine, just went to her new home 2 days ago. She was born when I was 13. Very hard. I get so fiercely attached to my animals. I just don't have time for 4 horses and she was the one that needed to go. I'm glad she went now after winter when I haven't been riding or working with her regularly, because I can almost forget the partnership we had. Just can't think about it.
  And no, if you're wondering, I don't have time to blog, but writing has always been a balm to my soul and I really want to be able to look back on this time in our lives, so I'll keep writing. (right now I'm pecking away with one hand as I rock my baby to sleep :) lol
   Life isn't easy, but in submission there is always joy and beauty.

If you think my hands are full, you should see my Heart!

I love that saying and it speaks all to well of our home! Tess left. That was sad. So now I'm on my 2nd day ON MY OWN! Oh yes, believe me I have plenty of help to call on, but independent me LIKES to do my own work. I have always enjoyed a challenge, so here it is! It has been going good. I will not say it not a lot of work and it's all easy, but I am amazed over and again how good it is going. The 3 musketeers, which would be Oliver and Isabel and Addie LOVE to play outside. We have been having nice weather and those 3 have spent hours outside. It has taken some teaching for Addie to learn our boundaries, but she is doing better. The 3 play very nicely! Not always, but USUALLY! There are very few fights and when there is a fight it is usually between Oliver and Isabel! It is just amazing to me, tho I do know it may change. When we got the girls if we had to reprimand Addie she would look at her toes, cross her arms, and slowly sink to the floor, quiet but unyielding. Which then we would hold her firmly for a long time, which truly works wonders on her. Now she takes a "no" from us much better. She definitely still has her times, but most often she will look at me and tell me "ok"and usually not do it again. She is not a difficult child and really wants to please us. And she IS NOT MEAN. I expected the worst from a neglected 2 yr old, but she has never YET hit or bit or done anything mean to the other children. She shares quite nicely, though she definitely does grab too! :) (What 2 yr old doesn't???) Was she taught? Is it her personality? I don't know, but both our new girls are sweet to the bone! That has made it so easy to bond and LOVE them and I thank the Lord for that. Two nights after we got them Addie asked for mama. I asked her, "May I be your mama?" She said, "Yeah" and went to play. It doesn't all make sense to us. She is full of hugs and kisses, says I love you and calls me Mama and Marv daddy. She can count correctly to 5 and sometimes she makes it to 10.  Oh, how we'd love to know about their life before us. Baby girl is getting into a good schedule. She wakes up at around 5am for a bottle, but then goes back to sleep until around 7. The other children have been waking up around 7:30. Baby girl has a nap at about 10am and sleeps for 2 or 3 hours. Then she has another nap in the afternoon when the other children are sleeping which is right now! All are sleeping. Her congestion has gotten much better, though she still constantly has a runny nose. But she is working on her first tooth, too. Hard to know what causes what. The girls' car seats smelled strong of smoke, so it could be she is just getting some of that gunk out of her system. Who knows...Sometimes she is fussy, but usually now she is very happy. She loves to eat and is very chubby, floppy, and cuddly. So different than skinny lil Isabel was! Birth parents rights are not terminated yet. So far birth mom is firm in her decision and birth dad is awaiting his sentence, but we will feel MUCH better after rights are terminated. Children must be in our home for 6 mo before we can petition to adopt them, but after birth parents rights are terminated really nothing would stand in the way. So please keep prayin! I forfeited my nap for this post so your better enjoy it!

NEEDED: Octopus Arms

Anyone have any to lend???? :) It has been going amazingly well. Our dear supportive congregation had a food shower for us and so our freezer is full! My niece, Tess, came last Saturday and will be with us for 10 days. We may be in the honeymoon stage, but if we are I thank God we had one! :) Baby had some rough nights or maybe I should say Mama had some rough nights with baby! :) But the last couple nights she has only woke up once in the night. Addie has been having some pretty severe nightmares that last for hours, but the last two nights they have lasted only maybe 10 minutes or so. Oliver and Isabel definitely have had some insecurity issues, but it is getting better. I would say Addie is an exceptionally good 2 yr old. She is not a trouble maker. And she has very few temper tantrums or meltdowns. We feel blessed.

Our story

Hello friends.. (for internet safety I have deleted some details) I know many of you are just waiting to hear the correct and detailed story of our last week, so here goes... Last Tuesday was Sewing Day. I usually TRY to go to sewing unless I have a valid excuse. :) Well, I had no excuse, but did not feel like going and so I didn't. At 10am I got an email from our social worker (SW), that said she had received a call from a birth mom who wanted to relinquish her rights to her 2 children TODAY. As I was digesting the email, SW called and wondered if we would be interested. She said, "They would be perfect for you!" She told me to let her know by noon if we would take them. Oh my........... A whirlwind of thoughts. "Yes, No, Yes, NO, YES, NOOO." Was it right? Was it wrong? Etc... I called Marv. He said he'd be home at noon and we would talk about it then. (I expected a quick "No" from him, but no) The turmoil, the confusion. I called mom and my sis, Caddie. They called some of the rest of my family and asked for prayers for us. Caddie called a friend who was at sewing and asked if some of them would pray. The news spread about the massive decision we needed to make so quick and after lunch at sewing Trevor led a special prayer for us. Many, many prayers headed upward on our behalf during those 2 hours and oh how we felt them. Thank you FRIENDS! Meanwhile Oliver and Isabel were taking advantage of their distracted mom and got into the bathtub crayons and had written ALL OVER the walls, furniture, toys, etc... upstairs. Thank goodness they were washable and most of it came out or off, but it took a LOT of scrubbing. So THAT occupied my wheel spinning morning. I knew that proof of divine direction would be if we both felt the same. At about 11:30am I was talking to Caddie and she asked if I had ANY feeling one way or the other. I thought about it and when I thought about it I knew that if I had the tiniest feeling it would be to say YES. After I voiced that, the feeling grew stronger and stronger and with it came peace and rest and calm. Marv came home. We talked. Husband asked me the same thing, "Do you have any feeling one way or the other?" I told him my feeling was to say "Yes". He told me he felt the same way. I could hardly believe it. At times I have been anxious for more children, but Marv was always just fine with waiting 4 yrs on Colombia. He told me to say "No" just felt wrong. I agreed. We both felt so calm and peaceful after we made the decision to say "Yes". I repeat, the rest we felt was profound. So I called SW and told her we would love to take the girls if they needed a home for them. All afternoon we knew we had made the right decision and it felt good. At the same time I doubted if birth mom would actually follow through, but that was ok. Whatever will be will be. It was in the Lord's hands. M was planning to leave at 5pm to drive to -------- with Dave. They were flying out at 6am Wednesday morning for a poultry show in Minneapolis. SW said she would let us know by 5pm Tues. if this was a 'go' or not. If it was Marv would stay home. Well, we waited and waited to hear. At 5pm Marv left and we still hadn't heard anything and couldn't contact SW. Marv said to let him know by 5am Wed. if he should stay in -------- or keep with the plans and fly to Minneapolis. I went to folks for supper with Terry's and Candace and family. I waited and waited to hear SOMETHING, but nothing was heard. Finally SW calls at 10pm and said ,"Ok, birth mom is done. You need to be here tomorrow at 1pm to pick up the girls. We still knew NOTHING about the situation. All we knew was that we felt we had made the correct initial decision. All the peace and calm came crashing down. Questions.. questions... questions.. What about Colombia??? Race???? Health???? Abuse???? Drugs??? Alcohol???? Was this fair to Oliver and Isabel???? Could we handle it???? 4 children 3 yrs and 2 months apart??????????????????????? 4 children at age 26 and 29??? Lindsey came over for night to help me get ready to leave for ------- in the morning. Late that night we found out the children were Caucasian and that birth mom did not want to meet us. We did not care about race, but the other was a relief. I didn't know if my nerves could handle meeting birth mom. (Having Isabel's heartbroken birth mom give her baby to me was extremely traumatic for me.) Marv in -------. Me at home.  That night was black. Darker than black. I think I cried a billion tears. Little sleep. The next morning Candace and I left at 8. We left Oliver and Isabel at Terry's. It was so hard leaving our dear children and going to pick up some strangers that were going to turn our life upside-down. I wanted to RUN. RUN back to my comfortable place, but alas we were driving, driving to -------  away from our comfortable life. All I could think about was everything we were giving up. Delete fun trips planned. Delete being with my friends. Delete camping trips. Delete. Delete. Delete. ETC... Would I ever dig out of it???? Would I ever see the light of day AGAIN over piles of laundry, cooking, cleaning, bathing, feeding, etc... etc.. Not to mention grocery shopping???? Life looked impossible and impossible looks black. Sorry friends that's just how selfish I am. We arrived in ------, went to pick up Marv from his hotel, grabbed a Quiznos for a very unsettled yet starving stomach. We met SW and her 21 yr old daughter (adopted from Ukraine at 14 yrs old) at a ------ about 2 blocks from where birth mom was meeting her social worker. SW reserved a room at the ------- and we sat down to sign papers. Tears streamed. Papers that we did not want to sign. Forboding papers. Stacks of papers. It felt as though we were going to sign our life away. After going over them we finally signed. After we signed it seemed the sun started to shine again. It was like the devil was after us, but after we signed he gave up. SW and daughter took our suburban (thank God we have a Suburban :) to go pick up the children and bring them to us. We went outside and sat in the warm sunshine to wait. We could actually talk and laugh again, the sunshine warming our hearts! We waited maybe 45 minutes and then they rolled in the drive. We went to get them. Addie immediately held out her arms to daddy and called him daddy! It hasn't changed. She LOVES her daddy. I took Violet. They were and are beautiful, sweet natured girls. Both have dark brown hair with big, hazel eyes and olive skin. We fell in Love! So we started home. Both slept most of the way home and were very happy when they were awake. Just have had to wonder over and again what thoughts are behind those big eyes.
  Oh, the adjustments of the first days. We had all the help we could use, but there are SO many things that only Mama or Daddy can do. I am not usually an emotional person, but oh the overwhelmed tears I cried or I should say we cried. We got the children on a Wednesday and on Friday about noon I realized that I had not cried yet that day! It was a good sign. Then about the time my tears quit Merlin's started. Watching Oliver and Isabel adjust was hard. Truly we did not have enough arms. Oliver grew into a big boy overnight and I rebelled. I didn't WANT that to happen. Where was my little boy? Isabel just wanted to be held and how I wanted to hold her and I did, but at times it was impossible. On Thursday, I went for a walk and when I had to turn around I cried. I longed to just keep on walking. Walk into the sunset and disappear. But along with all the adjustments we LOVE our children and never doubt the Lord had brought us here, but I won't say it isn't a load and I won't say it's all been easy.