...closer TO HIM.

Tho you can't hear him,
he is speaking.
Tho you can't see him,
he is acting.
WITH GOD there are no accidents.
EVERY INCIDENT is intended
to bring us CLOSER TO HIM.
       -max lucado

Please Lord, draw us closer to you. Truly this all takes so much Faith and Trust because you cannot control ANYTHING. Yesterday on our Colombia Yahoo group a German couple got a referral for a 1 yr. old. They had been waiting since 2007. I really REALLY do not want to wait 5 yrs for more children. Adopolis says they have never had a family wait longer than 3 yrs, but there are NO guarantees with adoption anywhere.We have to simply trust and leave it to an all-knowing GREAT and AMAZING God. Another person on our Colombia group posted this video today of their agencies' vice president's trip to Colombia to visit orphanages. This video brought a lump to my throat and tears to my eyes.Click here to watch it. 
The other night as I was holding my sick child and needing something to do as I rocked I typed in kissesfromkatie.blogspot.com
and drank the inspiration and encouragement Katie's complete FAITH in God always gives me. If you have the time read the whole June 15, 2012 post.

 But I still believe He has purpose, even when I can’t see it.-Katie Davis

We are feeling more encouraged... Adopolis and our psychologist are trying to get something written up that will expel all doubt from Colombia's minds about us. It seems that Colombia has misunderstood parts of the reports our psychologist has written. So we'll keep plodding along.... :) Thanks for your prayers...

tears of frustration

       Well, we got the official letter from ICBF today. Basically they are requesting that we go through psychological therapy for our difficulties. When we did our MMPI test of over 500 questions Merlin's test results showed as having "low tolerance to frustration" and mine was "low self esteem"(among a large paragraph of results). I can honestly say that my struggle with low self esteem was an issue I was dealing with at the time of the test. It is not something I normally deal with. M's issue of "low tolerance" is something that he has control of, but yes, it's something he deals with. We are human beings. They make it sound as though we are a family with huge abnormal difficulties, when our original social worker gave us a great report on our home study, our 2nd social worker gave us another great report in our home study update, our psychologist gave us a good 1st report, and an even better update to our report covering these exact topics. Why do they not believe these certified educated people who have been in our home, visited with us for hours and asked hundreds of questions? Honestly, what more do they want??? It looks hopeless to get them to believe that we are a loving, happy family, but I guess we will keep plodding along. What other option do you have, because we really do want more children and our hearts are still in Colombia. I never dreamed we'd have this trouble.

At rest.

   Well, we are waiting to hear back from Colombia exactly what they want to know about the "characteristics of our personalities". Once Adopolis hears back from them, our psychologist together with Adopolis will write up another document about the "characteristics of our personalities". Waiting....but at rest.
    While swimming last week there were 2 beautiful lil African American children playing in the water. They were with their white mama, so I couldn't help but learn their story! As I had guessed they were Ethiopian. I got the agencies name they had used and out of curiosity called the agency day before yesterday. The Ethiopian program is around a 2 yr. wait, however they are just opening Uganda and there is NO wait. He said if we were to apply now, we could be traveling in several months. Amazing! Oh, how that pulled at my heartstrings. I guess I have to admit I am getting a bit of baby fever. Honestly it has shocked me as I never tho't I was a baby person. M and I talked about Uganda. The reason we talked about switching to Uganda was because it seems a mite ridiculous to wait almost 2 yrs to get approved to wait another 3 yrs when there are children who desperately need homes. Which our situation isn't particularly normal of Colombia. They are known to be picky, (one of the reasons they have so little corruption and such a stable program) but generally approval wouldn't take more than 6 months. Our case is a little unique. Maybe our reviewer is feeling grumpy, who knows! Maybe God is trying to teach me patience. I need it! So we talked about Uganda, but once again came to a rest pursuing Colombia. We will give it another 6 months. If we are still having trouble with Colombia in 6 months and not approved, we will consider switching. So it's all ok, everyone has their mountains to climb. This is ours. Keep praying that the Lord leads us to our children. They're out there, we just have to find them!

cannot believe my eyes

Mountains. More mountains. Gray, granite mountains. I received an email from Adopolis today and I am depressed. Colombia is requesting more info on the "characteristics of our personalities". Can you believe it??????????????????????????? I seriously am in shock. You should see the pages of documents from our psychologist and social worker all stating that we are good people. Sound and healthy in mind, body, and spirit. I'm not trying to toot our horn either. We are normal Christian people. I really feel like exploding right now. This is almost tooo much. What is God trying to tell us? I know everyone says don't think that right away, this is just life. But WHAT the world??? Are we not supposed to adopt from Colombia? It felt so right. I am ready to throw it all away and live an easy, mundane life with 2 sweet children. It has been 15 months since we sent our dossier to Colombia and we are still not approved?! That timeframe is how long it should take to get a child, not how long it should take to get APPROVED to get one.  Please bear with me, friends, I'm mad and THIS IS HARD. Are we out to lunch or what?
                                 The song on my heart:
 
                  Teardrops are falling and troubles are dragging me down.....
                   ....Jesus is telling me I should just give it to Him.
                  
                  Dreams are all shattered and hope is forsaking my soul,
                  Things that once mattered are moving beyond my control...
                     ....I have no comfort unless I just give it to Him.
                                        -I'll Give It To Him by Trevor Toews

How? You all can pray for us these days... (this is as tiring as a 24 hr. labor, which, in fact, was going on exactly 3 yrs ago today.) Happy Birthday, O!

My name is I AM

 I was regretting the past and fearing the future. Suddenly my Lord was speaking: “MY NAME IS I AM”. He paused. I waited. He continued. “When you live in the past with it’s mistakes and regrets, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WAS. When you live in the future with its problems and fears, it is hard. I am not there. My name is not I WILL BE. When you live in this moment, it is not hard. I am here. My name is I AM.”

I love this verse! We're still waiting for approval from Colombia, but that's ok. We are at rest in our wait knowing that our Maker is at the wheel. The word "rest" has become so beautiful to me. I never want to take for granted the rest I feel in my heart. It is something this poor struggling world is groping for, yet seldom do they realize it. 

Waiting on approval from Colombia....

Now since we have our I-800a notarized, apostilled, and on it's way to Adopolis... we wait some more! No more docs to gather, no more notaries to get done, no more pending apostilles. We simply wait to hear from Colombia. Believe me...this blog will hear when we get any word from Colombia!

I-800A approval back!!! YAY!

  YYYessss! So exciting! Our approval states that we are approved to adopt one or two children from Colombia, SA. The child/children must be under 5 years of age, either gender, and healthy or with minor or correctable conditions. Our approval is different than we had requested, but God sees the big picture. He knows the perfect child/children for us, no matter what. We had requested approval for one child 0-3 yrs or 2 children 0-4 yrs, healthy. However, we are just elated that we finally have our approval back! Now a copy must be notarized, then sent to the state to get apostilled, and to Adopolis and then they will send it to Colombia! And THEN... we wait for our Colombia approval. They are not known to be really speedy with their approvals, but hopefully by summer we are officially approved!
   Oh Jesus, if our Colombian children are born and waiting for us, please hold them when we can't, comfort them. Send someone to love them until we can. Keep them safe and guide us to them. Amen.
   One thing that you as family and friends can help us pray for is that we get children as young as possible. I really want young children and I will pray, however I must trust that also to our Heavenly Father. It is what I want, however, when I think about it... How shallow am I? I just don't want to get toooo uncomfortable. A child over 3 may be a bit harder, may have a bit more baggage. Am I asking,"Keep it easy for us, Father. Don't let life get tooo hard." Again I am reminded... WHAT are we here for? So.. I will still pray for young children, but pray totally trusting that GOD KNOWS BEST.