The Attack

 (Well, I had several pages written for several months, but never took the time to edit or post. But with your encouraging comments I finally got the inspiration to post AGAIN! Thanks for your comments!)

 Let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us.

   For consider him that endured......lest ye be wearied and faint in your minds.

   Wherefore lift up the hands which hang down, and the feeble knees;

and make straight paths for your feet, lest that which is lame be turned out of the way: but let it rather be healed.  -first parts of Hebrews 12. 

   It had been a hard several weeks. I was struggling. I had felt the attacks come and go for several weeks. This time worse. My attitude was rotten. All I could see was the negative in her behavior. I tenaciously tried not to let it show, but it oozed out occasionally. I tried to man-handle my attitude. I couldn't change it. I wanted to pull out hair. Mine or hers or anybody within reach. I desperately prayed. No answer. No miraculous attitude change. I didn't want to feel this way about her. What had come over me? I felt empty of love. It felt awful. Lord, please.... No comment. I begged God. Silence. I went to bed. I woke up. Still no change. I combed, I fed, I clothed, I hugged, my child but was void of empathy or compassion. I gritted my teeth and chose to love, but it was a hard, methodical, choice when my heart was full of frustration and yes, even bitterness. I was even more desperate. I prayed more. "Lord, fill me! Fill me with love!" No relief. Late that morning I messaged my sister to please call me when she had time. Immediately I realized that I began to feel relief of the dreadsome battle raging in my heart. Slowly throughout the afternoon I knew I was winning. Before my sister even called me back, the spirit which had taken hold of me was mostly gone. This was a huge lesson to me in how important it is to be open about our struggles, even our darkest, most wickedest struggles. Later in the week my sister sent the above verses to me. She said she had read them and it had come to her that they were for me. Thank you, God, for sweet victory.