Basking in the Sunshine

Yes, that's us. Basking in the Sunshine. Sleeping deep at night. No tossing and turning. No tears dripping into my dishwater. I feel so light and free it feels I'm floating.
   Last month we exchanged our beautiful spacious NEW house for a smaller, so old and so cold, so cold and tired house. I haven't shed a tear. People stand with mouth agape at my cold-heartedness. The fear of the loss of our dear children has a way of putting everything into perspective. I could care less where I live if only we can keep our dear girls. Give me a cave, that'll do!
    So.... January 31, the most dreaded day, the day we thought there was to be a trial became a wonderful day for us. The judge told our attorney that we did not need to be there, so I sat at my moms having coffee. Seemed quite frivolous as I thought and prayed about what was happening 200 miles away. Birthdad's rights were terminated. Birthmom relinquished her rights. And paternal family officially dropped the case.
   Now we are having to update our home study because of the address change. Our SW is working on that. Soon she will be ready to file. After she files the court will give us a date. It could be 2 wks or it could be 8 wks. At that court date we will officially ADOPT the girls.   P r a i s e    t h e   L o r d.
   Some wonder what changed paternal family's mind. Really it was the Mediation. They were very impressed that we came. They were very impressed with us. (don't worry, it wasn't "us", it was God who did the impressing) When they saw we were decent people and later when we shared many pictures of the girls and they saw them playing and laughing and happy they said it brought peace to their hearts. Paternal Aunt is a very nice person and she has a good relationship with birthmom. Paternal Grandma is nice, too, but looks like a woman who has lived a hard life. A very bitter and broken person. Birthmom has no relationship with her. Aunt and I have been emailing and building a relationship. She is 22, has been married for 3 years, and has an 18 mo little boy (same age as Violet). I like her, she is sweet. They were worried that after the adoption was finalized we'd disappear. We assured them that will not happen. We have made no promises as far as contact and are absolutely committed to the best interest of our girls, but we told them clearly that they are part of our girls' identity. We won't try to hide from that. That seemed to make them feel better as they really do love the girls. I think they knew that realistically they couldn't care for the girls. Grandma and Aunt's husband have low paying jobs and they all live together in an apartment. Not an ideal situation.
    I'll tell you a little about birthmom. She had a drug addict mother. She was put into foster care at 5 yrs old. Bounced between biological family and foster parents for 5 yrs. At 10 yrs old she was adopted. Her birthmother has always been in and out of her life and she feels like it was very detrimental to her growth and attachment to her adoptive family. Talking about attachment experts??? Birthmom "knows" attachment. Many social workers can be ever so educated on attachment, but this girl, she walked the walk, she talks the talk. She is the "attachment expert". She had a huge fear of her children, also, ending up with Social Services. You wonder why. The circle that's hard to break. The chain. Mother's are generally somewhat like their mothers. Father's are generally somewhat like their fathers. Especially without God, it is very difficult to break the chain. I repeat, she was terrified of being like her birthmom and of her girls ending up in the system. It is so sad to me. When she decided to make an adoption plan for her girls, she did so with planning and precision. She went to a private adoption agency. Private adoption laws are very different than DCF (Department of Children and Family) DCF is the U.S. wide foster system. All and any biological family get preeminence when children are placed through social services. It is probably fair, but many children get bounced around a lot before they have the permanency of adoption. In private adoption law bio family can intervene as they did in our case, but you are on a level playing field. Birthmom knew these things. She wanted immediate permanency for her girls. She got it. Her girls have had no disruptions. It is known that every disruption (of primary care-giver) delays development 6 mo to 1 yr..  Adele is much more immature than Isabel. She processes things much more like a 2 1/2 or 3 yr old than an almost 4 yr old. It's interesting to me. She will catch up as her roots go down. The only thing birthmom didn't anticipate was that she was not legally divorced when she gave up her girls, so she was not the sole legal parent, even tho birthdad was in prison. That complicated things. I have more, but I must get myself to bed.
   Just to confirm, right now we have no obstacles between us and the adoption of our girls. We just simply have the adoption process to go through. I fall on my knees and thank the Lord.
   (Oh and thank you for the comments dear family and dear friends!)