FAITH is when you close your eyes and OPEN your HEART.

I love that! That really should be the adoption world's motto!
   It's been sooo long. My fingers have been itching to write, but where is the time?? It will probably take me weeks just to get this posted, but oh well... gotta start somewhere! Right now my flowers are whipping in the evening wind. If you don't bend with the wind, you'll break. I guess they have to learn that too! I look out the window and see porcupine quills sticking out of my dog's face. Guess I'll be needing to go pull those shortly. We have 12 lovely puppies at this time out of 2 different mama's that keep me hoppin' and probably sane, too, as they force me away from my mounds of laundry and crumb strewn floors and out into the fresh air (or rather smoky air) and sunshine! If you want to see some of the cutest puppies in the world click here :). Forest fires are blazing all over Colorado with one burning up our mountains 30 minutes away. Smoke is heavy in the air.
   First of all let me tell you about the kind things friends do for me. A couple friends invite us (YES, all 6 of us! Brave souls or what!) over for Sunday dinners and do not let me help with any food. Another friend calls me the day before our end-of-school program and says to not worry about bringing snack to the program. She will just bring extra! Mom did not get her name down for any food to take to play-day, so she offers to make mine. Another friend invites us to a Memorial Day breakfast cook-out and once again I am not allowed to bring anything. She also gave me a birthday gift that 2 of her young teenage girls would help me for a day (which I used quite quickly)! Another friend stops by with an unexpected meal! If anything is hard on my pride it is being the recipient of so many favors. I struggle with feeling like a liability, a charity case, a burden on most. HOW do you accept it gracefully? I truly think the Lord knew I needed help with this. It is so excruciatingly hard for me to not give something in return. I want to write checks, give gifts, etc.. because I feel SO indebted. After the 2 girls helped me for a day for my Birthday gift I felt SO guilty NOT paying them and it's not like money grows on trees. Is this Ok? I haven't decided yet, but I guess I don't have to decide now and here :). Your comments are welcome!
    I was sitting at the Memorial Day breakfast cook-out and felt depressed. It was morning, I had had a good night's sleep, I was with fun people and I could hardly keep my eyes open. Slowly I realized that life had lost it's sparkle. Life was an effort. Always a step behind, terribly tired, no motivation, just doing what I was forced to do (which is a lot :) and really hoping that maybe I wouldn't have to wake up the next morning. I had days in that time when I would suddenly feel like life was worth living again, but I was weary. Something in the back of my head told me that I needed to take control of my life and the first step was to... "start walking again". Walk??? Surely not! I need every minute of sleep I can get! If I get a walk done in the day it has to be first thing in the morning otherwise I get too caught up with my day and don't stop to take a walk. Well, it took me a while to listen to that voice in my head, 'cause bed felt sooo good. Finally I did and I am on my 2nd week of walking-one-mile-as-fast-as-I-can every morning before the children wake up. I am feeling SO much better that I am determined to make this inspiration last! (We'll see :) I won't say I am miraculously completely over the emotional and physical exhaustion, but like I said I am feeling better.
    "HOW do you do it?" I hear it too often. First of all I want to tell you that I am no busier than most. A mother of 2, a mother of 5 school-age, youth-age children, even a Grandma, etc.. are just as busy.  Being busy is many times a state of mind. Most of the time busyness is my choice. In fact, I think the 4 letter word "busy" is way overused. Stop using it and you may find out that your life slows down! And please NEVER complain about being BUSY. I think MOST of the time you can either ask-for-help OR cut-something-out.  I say most of the time, because I know that life happens and sometimes in order to do our part we must stretch ourselves thin or others must bend under the weight of a heavier load, 'cause it might make me a little "breathless". That is selfish. One more thought on "being busy". Try driving speed limit. Always. On a dirt road drive under speed limit. Neighbors will thank you. And it soothes the overcrowded mind to tootle along down the road! You better slow down. Don't dance so fast. Time is short. The music won't last. I often think of that poem, cause I often need it.
      If suddenly you have 4 children under 4, here are a few tips... I'm quite sure that our children probably get half as many baths as most of yours. I think they'll survive it, tho.  Unless their clothes actually have dirt on them that you can see with the naked eye, they wear it the next day, maybe even the next! I rarely empty the dishwasher with the exception of sharp knives and breakable things. Beings I have many drawers in my kitchen, my 2,3, and almost 4 yr old can put most things away. You would be amazed at how an empty dishwasher eases the load, but do not think I am good about having my children help. I'm not and I desperately want to do better and find more "work" for them to do. I always dish up meals into plates BEFORE we sit down. And we tell them to bend over their plate about 100 times a meal. Just the simple thing of "bending over" their plate to eat helps tremendously with the spills and it DOES become a habit. And when push comes to shove and supper time is here and the cupboards are bare and the oven is cold I thank the Lord for creating porridge, granola, toast and bananas. (I'm slightly suspicious Merlin does not thank the Lord for the same :) And if you are longing to connect with your friends again, go get subs and go to the park. Your children will play and you can actually have an adult conversation! It's amazing.
    Oh and talk about telling 100 times OR 100 times 100 times....  excuse me, thank you, please. How to ask nicely, how to answer sweetly. Then mom must remember to do so herself! Not too mention the default wine. How many times do I tell them, "Say it over in a nice voice" "Can you say it with a smile?" and on and on and on... I sometimes want to give up. I sometimes want to just help them when they screech in a winy voice, "MAMA, MAMA, I caaan't get myyy shoooes on!" (panic, panic) I don't feel like saying AGAIN, "Say it calmly and nicely and mama will help you." Sometimes I don't, but then I remember day by day my children are learning how to "be", how to react to "life" and I dare not lay the battle down. As my patient grandpa used to say, "You gotta keep a tellin' and a tellin' and a tellin' ". Sooo true. Oh, to raise pleasant children who don't drive society to the nuthouse.
    Addie and Oliver get along famously. The saying that goes "Two is company, 3 is a crowd" is so true. Any 2 of them get along better than when it's all 3! It seems lately Isabel's thrills in life are to be as sandpaper to her brother and sister :). It doesn't hurt 'em! Oh, we love her and OH WHAT SPUNK AND SPICE she adds to life, but oh what stress she causes this mama. To know when to teach Oliver and Addie tolerance and at the same time teach her that it's much more fun to play sweetly. I shake my head. She will nonchalantly sit down to read a book in Oliver's field. She loves to hug Addie..... but then not let go (and she is strong!). You can just imagine how claustrophobic Addie reacts. And then the love of contradiction... If Addie says, "I can sing". Isabel says, "No, you not can sing." Addie: "Yes, I can sing!" And it escalates from there with almost every and any scenario you can think of. Addie does not give in to Isabel's every wish and whim any more, which is good, but it causes for a lot more ruffled feathers. Today after a tif Addie said, "Isabel's mad." Isabel with pooched out lips and thunder in her eyes, stamps her foot and says, " I NOT mad, I grumpy!" OooohK! And Addie is "bery hungry" about 17 times a day. She must have  the metabolism of a hummingbird. And Miss Sensitive Violet will be an interesting little girl too, I'm guessin'. Her bottom lip quivers and sticks out and she weeps big tears if I just raise my eyebrows at her :).(I'm not jokin' :)
    Addie has hip dysplasia. We will find out the severity of it next week. It does not bother her, except when she under stress. Then she limps very bad. Violet STILL does not have any teeth and she is 10 months old. When she teethes, it is bad news. She is SO grumpy, gets sores in her mouth, diaper rash, don't sleep well, don't eat well and all of the above. The last couple weeks her teeth have given her a rest and she has been my happy baby once again. Violet and Addie were loved. Their dear birth mom has been going through demanding grief. We pray for her. Birth parent's rights are still not terminated. Birth mom is still waiting for judge to assign a court date and birth dad will not sign, so his rights will have to be terminated. It will be a legal process, but we are still told we don't have anything to worry about. We will be very relieved when IT IS DONE. When Addie came the note said she was "some-what" potty trained. I didn't know what that meant, but it didn't sound good! So we put her in diapers and hoped we could build some security and trust before we addressed the issue. So 3 wks ago I tackled it. She is doing really good and I am SO glad to have that behind me! Changing a 3 yr old's diaper is not my idea of fun. :) Addie has now turned 3 and Oliver has now turned 4. I watched my first child proudly walk to Sunday School. Life keeps turnin'...
    I'm getting perilously close to actually getting out with my horses again. I promise, friends, there is no therapist on Earth (notice, I said on earth) like a horse. As I fight with adjustments and discouragement because to DO ANYTHING takes so TERRIBLY much effort and many things are totally impossible, I know that all will be well and discouragement will flee, just with the smell of a horse...
    The other day I sat down in my recliner to rock my baby to sleep and the tears started streaming. I felt bone weary. Something said, "Pick up the Hearth and Home." I did and the first page was a balm to my soul. I'm sure many of you read it. This verse, "And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not. It was a touch from Above for me. Thank you, God.